Toxic people.

Hey guys! thanks for the positive feedback on my first post (there wasn’t much, but quality aver quantity right!?) Today I’m going to be talking about moving on from toxic people/ cutting people out of your life. Hope you enjoy!

I believe in the importance of self love and inner happiness, so toxic people don’t really go down well with me, and they shouldn’t. My definition of a toxic person is a person in your life that causes you unhappiness or stress often. these sorts of people can, over time, break down your self esteem and happiness.

I have had a few people in my life like this that I have realised of recently, and I probably am toxic myself to some people, which is what you need to understand. Because everyone has different likes and dislikes and different needs/ wants in friendships, you may not fit these things, and these people being friends with you may not be good for their mental health. If you are being cut out of someone’s life, you need to realise that they also have certain needs/ wants, so sometimes its better for both of you to have a break or to go your own separate ways.

But that doesn’t matter, because today we are talking about being on the other side, trying to cut out a toxic person/ toxic people. it can be really difficult to cut people out of your life, especially if you’re close to them, but mostly it’s for the better.

The first thing you have to do is to identify the person who is making you feel this way. Have you been feeling upset, angry or anxious recently? What has changed to make you feel this way? Is it a friend? Who?

Once you’ve figured this out, you will need to keep an eye on this person. Look at how they treat you. Do they make jokes at your expense? Are they flat out rude to you? Are they hateful to other people or groups? Do they ostracise you? Figure out what they have done to make you feel this way.

Now you have a decision. Do you want to slowly try to separate yourself from them, or do you want to talk to them and explain how you feel?

If you choose to slowly separate from them,  try to still talk to them a bit and MAKE SURE you don’t just suddenly start ignoring them, as this will give them something to spread about you and could even upset them. instead, just slowly start talking to other people and let the toxic person do their own thing, you don’t want them to feel as though you are abandoning them or being malicious.

On the other hand, if you choose to speak to them, make sure you do it in a private space where you are not embarrassing them, but do it face to face so that they cant ignore you or take what you say in the wrong way. There ARE a few things you have to keep in mind though.

  • They have feelings
  • Sometimes they are right and you are wrong
  • Listen to what they have to say
  • They may not realise what they have done
  • They’re human. People make mistakes
  • Despite this, they may actually be wrong and be doing this on purpose.
  • Your feelings are valid.

If, by any chance, they take this badly, you just need to remember the reason why you wanted to get them out of your life and that what they do just enforces this. You are better than fighting, and insults get you nowhere. If you realise you have done something wrong apologise, but be assertive! Don’t apologise for things that aren’t your fault, but try not to act above people. If you feel like it would help, you could ask to move classes (or seats if you sit near them!) but don’t make huge sacrifices just to get away from them (like moving schools, this is definitely a last resort!). At the end of the day, you will always be able to go home, turn of your phone and get away from them. You should also unfollow and block them, and report any mean or hateful comments on social media.

If they try to be your friend again without apologising or acknowledging your concerns, try to do the first choice, and slowly slip out of the ‘friendship’. They obviously don’t respect your opinions or feelings, so it’s not worth trying to mend things, but this part depends on your judgement and if you want to give them the benefit of the doubt, but don’t forget what first made you want to get them out of your life. Again, if they apologise it is up to your judgement whether or not to accept it. Unfollow them on social media, but you shouldn’t need to block them, unless they are harassing you online.

If they agree that it wasn’t a good friendship, thank them for understanding, and tell them that you don’t want things to be awkward, and you should be able to come to an agreement on that. This is the best outcome so this person obviously won’t  spread dirt about you or try to upset you about this. Be polite to them, smile at them and say hello in the mornings, but keep in mind that they did upset you once, and don’t let them back into your life. try to ensure that you don’t make her feel uncomfortable, try to include them in groups and conversations, as you most probably have the same friend group. This might sound stupid, but it can be difficult to know whether or not to like their social medias. you should like a couple of their pictures, and only comment if you are tagged in it. (that may sound irrelevant but I personally know I find this hard!)

Thanks for reading, this was a long one but i hope i could help!

-J

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